Conversation Hearts

Conversation hearts are fucking disgusting.  Be mine? Be mine? How more possessive can candy be?  The moment my teeth crunch upon the heart shaped side walk chalk my stomach begins to turn.  A better alternative for the atrocity that is the icon "candy of love" is to pulverize the candy to a fine powder, add water and paint a picture of a chihuahua.  Maybe I should donate my left overs to a school in Africa... they have sidewalks right?  There is no doubt in my mind as to why they are called "conversation hearts."  It is because that shit lasts forever.  They last longer than diamonds, dick pics and murder.  Some version of this candy is personalized, and all I can say is be careful what you have printed.  Marry me?  Is it really classy to propose to a chick with one of the worst candies ever created?  How about... Its a girl?  Do you really want to remember your first mistake as telling your soon to be ex boyfriend you are pregnant on a tiny piece of candy?  All in all, conversation hearts are considered candy but have no flavor and lack true pizzaz.

Candy everyday, keeps the bitch away.
-The Candy Critic