The only good thing about work is money. I hate working, especially dealing with stupid people. Stupid people are the reason I prefer to have a monkey instead of a child. I could not reproduce something that would have to live in this world with so many stupid people. But think it over... Monkey’s are way better than kids. Let me lay it out.
Monkey v. Kids
1. Monkeys learn to sign and kids learn to scream.
2. Monkeys wear diapers and kids pee their pants.
3. Monkeys eat bananas and kids eat everything... paint chips, brownies, glue.
The funny thing about monkeys is if you replace the word kids with drunks the list doesn’t change. All in all monkeys are the coolest thing alive. There is a reason George of the Jungle lived a happy life. Long story short, I want a reverse Tarzan, just call me Mama Mowgli Monkey.
I’ve been called cold, rude, blunt and sarcastic. The truth is I hate people, all forms especially Stupid ones. I hate moms for losing their children and uncles for being the creepiest member on the family tree. I have been told that I hide behind my “sarcasm” but wouldn’t you? I budget every moment of my life and every penny I earn. I am annoyed daily and must have some form of sweet to tolerate life.
Reason 100 - marzipan posing as candy.
Reason 82 - choosing to drink decaf coffee.
Reason 80 - the invention of sex toys.
Reason 68 - classic holiday movie about losing your annoying child, Home Alone.
Reason 58 - miming is a profession.
Reason 37 - my celebrity crush doesn't know I exist.
Reason 35 - unpaid internships.
Reason 33 - Waldo is always missing, there must be a reason why he runs away so frequently.
Reason 10 - Barbie and Ken broke up... and in real life they are brother and sister.
Reason 2 - brownies are delicious but blondies are racist.